


The Wind That Never Left

by temarihime



Series: For Temari [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temarihime/pseuds/temarihime
Summary: Her heart was heavy as she saw the arrays of nameless tombstones waiting for her. Her ancestors were buried here – side by side with their fellow Suna citizens under the unforgiving heat of the sun. The area dedicated to her family was covered in desert, but she knew which one she is visiting.
Relationships: Gaara & Kankurou & Temari, Gaara & Temari (Naruto), Karura & Temari (Naruto), Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Series: For Temari [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882744
Comments: 14
Kudos: 54





	The Wind That Never Left

**Author's Note:**

> Written for TemariWeek2020;  
> Day 1: Family Reunion

Temari readjusted her fan as she started the dreaded walk to her destination.

She passed familiar streets and buildings but not faces; what was once her home became a place where her brothers lived. Suna may not be three days away from her anymore, yet it feels as if it is farther away from her now. 

Her heart was heavy as she saw the arrays of nameless tombstones waiting for her. Her ancestors were buried here – side by side with their fellow Suna citizens under the unforgiving heat of the sun. The area dedicated to her family was covered in desert, but she knew which one she is visiting. 

She kneeled in front of the grave, her hand clenched into fists as she stared at the headstone. The pain in her knees was nothing compared to the pain in the heart; it's as if the wound she forced to heal years ago came back in a worsened state. 

"Hello, Mom" she muttered softly. "It's me". 

Her mind swarmed with words she wanted to tell her; there were tons of memories and stories begging to be released, but nothing came out of her mouth. She was in a dazed – she imagined this moment countless times, but nothing could have prepared her for when the time comes. 

Temari replayed the scenario over and over again that as soon as she was allowed to leave, she catches the first train to Suna. 

There were no words to express how she felt, peering at her grave like she was seeing it for the first time. 

Temari never visited Karura; a part of her refused to. All her formative years were spent longing for the one person she never dared mention to anyone, let alone speak off. Her mother resided in the part of her life where everything was well. A chunk of her existence that she's not sure if it was real or a figment of her imagination. 

The day her mother passed, Temari's heart went with her. She was old enough to understand the concept of death thanks to her tutors, and she wished she hadn't. She hoped they lied and said that she went to sleep or that she's in the stars watching them instead of hearing the words that she's never coming back.

She was still healing from that unbearable loss. For years she yearned that her mother was there with her. That she has a hand to hold. 

A hand to put to her to sleep, someone to wake her up from her mornings. All of the things a mother would have done with her child. 

The loss was too much that she trained herself to feel nothing when she's mentioned. Her brothers were young to remember, and she hoped she never remembered at all. 

To Temari, her mother was her sun. Karura was beautiful, warm, and bright. The woman was everything she ever wanted to be and more. Gentle, kind, and beautiful, and Temari went all the way to be the opposite. 

She wanted her mother to be there to control their father; to tell him that a coup wasn't worth it. That war is never the answer to all the problems. 

She wanted her mother to be there as she burnt herself in the stove while she's cooking dinner for two kids. She cried out for her when she entered womanhood, Temari wanted her to be there to help. She wanted her to be there as the blood flowed in her skinny legs while she shook with shock and pain inside the bathroom. 

She wished her mother was there when she first fell in love. Temari longed for her presence in every single aspect of their lives. She knew it wasn't her mother's fault – but to Temari, her life was turn upside down the day Karura left the world. 

"So, I finally came by to visit you. Funny how it took me this long. I ... I meant to visit sooner, but life happened". She fumbled with the sand as she comfortably sat in it. She felt her stomach tie in knots. That wasn't the words she ached to tell her – there was so much more she wanted to say.

The memory of her last visit came clear as day; it was a few weeks after the war. She was covered in bruises and cuts, but she came by and screamed. She screeched how her brothers nearly died; how she was almost killed too. Her throat was so painful that day, but she couldn't care less. She yelled and yelled as if her mother will come back to life because of her yelling. 

She cried at her mother's grave about how she wished that she didn't die.

How she wanted her mother to welcomed them back with open arms and a smiling face. 

How she wished she was there to tend to their wounds and tell them how proud she was. To kiss the bruises and pain, and put them to sleep even if they were old to sleep on their own. She wanted to hear her voice sing a lullaby as she plays with her hair. 

A distant memory flooded her senses. It was a bedtime routine she loved and held dear. Karura's soft hands, caressing her locks, her lips on her nose and cheeks. Then her scent will surround her as she settled next to Temari. Kankuro will drift off on the other side, next to his toy puppet. Temari would then place her small hand on her mother's bump – hugging her baby brother as she too sails off to sleep. 

Her father will then pull out a futon next to her and give them gentle kisses and goodnight. The memory was so beautiful it almost hurt to imagine that it was probably the last one she had of them as a family. 

"I was furious all those years ago. You deserted us. I was lost, broken, and hurt. Father wasn't of help – he … he left us to tend to ourselves". Angry tears started to blur her vision, her hands kept on tenaciously wiping them away. 

But that's the fact she was unwilling to accept; that it wasn't just her that's hurting - it was all of them. 

"I … you don't know what Gaara had to go through in your absence. How Kankuro never learned to talk at a young age; how I never learned to do my hair or to take care of my brothers. It's been decades Mom, but your absence is still fresh and painful as the day we lost you". 

The heat subsided as the sun slowly descended for the moon. She brought out the scarf from her bag and wrapped it around her shoulder, wiping her eyes and nose at the end of it. She took a deep breath and bit her lip. 

"Sometimes, the image of you hits me. Every time I look at the mirror, I see your face. I see the same shaped eyes; the same grin – everything that is so beautiful about you haunts me. I could never let my hair down because it reminds me painstakingly of you". 

She removed her pigtails, one after the other, and ran her fingers through her unruly hair. 

"See? I resemble you so much, and every day I am reminded of that. I'm almost the same age as you mom –and it fucking hurts because I wish you would tell me all these things". Temari was breathing hard as she continued to run her hands through her hair. 

The air frolicked with her mane as they danced with the breeze, teardrops came in fast and hard as words sprung out from her. It's as if she finally uncovered the part of her brain that store all of the unspoken words and unshed tears. 

"I wish you would tell me how we are so comparable. I wish you're here to tell me that my eyes reminded you of yours. That my wild hair is the same as yours. That every crevice and drop of my body I got from you. I wish you're here to tell me that I am indeed your daughter, and no one can deny that". 

Growing up, she heard all those words from her father, her sensei's even from strangers – but all those words meant nothing to Temari. She required those words coming out from her mother's mouth. 

"I feel disconnected to you, but I know I love you. Kami, Mom – my heart is full of you, and I cursed how you aren't here so I can tell you. I can't tell you I love you enough." She wrapped her arms around her body as her lips began to tremble with pain. 

"I wanted you here with me every single day that it's almost too difficult to function. I wanted you here with me, Mom". Self-centered as it sounds, that's how she felt. She'd trade anything in the world just to have her back. 

"You weren't here when I first fell in love. You didn't see me smile, or randomly space out as I recall his kiss. You weren't there to see your little girl light up someone's world." She tugged at her hair before letting her hands settled at her side. 

"But I guess it's for the better. Gaara was a mess. He wasn't himself for years, and still today, it's hard for him to deal with … things". 

Recollections of her little brother's haunted eyes and dark persona came into mind. The days where she needed to play arbitrator as her brothers tried to hurt each other. She remembered her sleepless night trying to watch over a sick Kankuro; every miserable detail of her childhood appeared back to ruin her. 

"Your death stole everything from me. A life with you; a life where Father cared for us; a life where I can learn to be gentle as you. A life where Gaara, Kankuro, and I had the same childhood as everyone". 

Her brain echoed every single repulsive memory, over and over again. 

It was hard to breathe; it was hard to stay calm when all you want is to shatter from the pain that you've unleashed. Temari remained strong for her siblings. She remained their pilar when all else crumbles; she was reliable to others that she forgot how to be strong for herself. 

Her lips trembled as sob after sob grew out from her that she was unrecognizable. Here was a woman who had no control of her emotions; a woman crying to a nameless grave, her head bowed down to the desert as she forced herself to stop. 

The wind came in harsh and unforgiving; the sand danced around Temari, reminding her that the wind can be relentless. The force was enough to snap her out of her pain. She realized the tears had dried with the breeze. She spoke the next words with a sad grimace. 

"But enough about that now. I'm here to make peace with all of it. My husband … my husband told me that in acceptance, there's peace". Right, she never told her about her marriage either. 

"You know, the lazy shinobi from Konoha? The smart ninja who I hated with a passion then came to … love later on? Well, I married him, Mom". She smiled for the first time that day as she lovingly toyed with her wedding ring for comfort. 

"See? If you're here, you can meet him. You'll see why I chose him. You'll probably lecture me to be careful with boys like him. The boys who are the smart, mysterious kind? I heard that's why you loved Father too". Her heart throbbed once more, the realization that her mother would have been happy for her and Shikamaru made her want to cry again. 

"You'd see us Mom, dressed in this beautiful clothing as we exchange our vows. He was a wreck; he was crying, he's always crying, but I cried too. I cried because you weren't there to see someone cry tears of happiness in marrying your daughter". Her wedding day was a magnificent event, not only for her but for Suna and Konoha. But the highlight of it all was seeing Shikamaru in tears. 

"I'm sorry about that; here I am blaming you again" she chuckled. 

The sun finally set that day, painting the skies with reds and oranges that she misses. The air declined into a gentle breeze that instantly enveloped Suna as if giving it a healing blow to remove the pain that the sun brought that day. 

Temari's heart was lighter too. 

It's as if with every blow, the pain inside her went with it. She hugged her knees to her chest as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the tranquillity. She let the wind soothe her – like it always does every day. Temari is called the mistress of the wind, and she relished in that fact. The wind was her friend – invisible maybe but ever-present in her life.

"Mom, I'm actually here to ask forgiveness". She raised her chin and took a long breath. "I'm here to tell you that I never despise you – I never blamed you. Not once, Mom. I don't visit you because I know I couldn't take it". She caressed the memorial gently as if she's embracing her mother. 

She was finally ready to tell her why she was there. As her soul finally steadied and the moon replaced the sun, she was ready. 

"I came here to tell you that I'm pregnant", her hand went to her small bump, rubbing reassuring circles. 

"I'm going to be a mother soon. I'm going to be someone's mom". This time, the tears that fell from her were of joy. She looked up at the sky as if scanning for her mother there. 

"I came here because I wanted you to know and see". Temari sat properly, showing her bump. She even turned to her side to give her another angle. 

"Is this how you felt when you knew you were pregnant with me? I feel like I could light up the world with how happy I am. This baby, I love them so much. So much and they are not even born". Temari can't see clearly now, but the moon and stars provided her with enough light to carry on the conversation. 

"Were you scared too? Is it normal to throw up? Sakura says so, but still, this baby hated everything I ate – stubborn little thing." She chuckled as the image of her crying to Sakura about her morning sickness came to mind. 

"We started calling them fawn. My husband and his attachment to deer-related kinds of stuff I know. But it's a fitting name, don't you think?"   
She's a mother now too. Another connection she will now share with Karura, that made Temari happy that she will be experiencing the same thing as her. 

"Look after us, Mom. I understand you're busy with Gaara, but I need you this time, okay? I require you to be here for me like how you were there years ago". 

She nodded her head and smiled to no one in particular. Years ago, her visits were quiet, she never dared to speak one single word around her. Slowly, it became a conversation about her mission but never such as this one. 

This reunion was the first time she told her about her pain and suffering. She allowed herself to be finally the weak daughter. She gave herself the freedom to show how she feels. She wasn't a cold-hearted person, no, she was a daughter that's hurting. A daughter longing for her mother. 

She stood up and dusted the sand off her yukata. She picked up her fan and stared at her mother's grave, touching the marker one last time before walking away. 

* * *

It was midnight when her son finally decided he had enough of her womb. He came out crying and unyielding and beautiful it brought her to tears. He was finally here, she thought. She soothed him with a gentle kiss on his little temple as her husband whispered his love to them. 

She gently sat on the bed as their friends and family came in bearing gifts and love that caused Temari's to heart swell. 

Shikamaru was proudly showing him off to his friends as she closed her eyes in silent prayer. 

"Thank you, Mom," she said gently. 

A tender breeze came in and blew her hair away. Temari noticed that the windows were closed and there were no fans in the room her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion but slowly morphed into awe. 

She smiled as the realization that her mother was there in the wind, protecting her and guiding her since she was a little girl - her mother never broke her promise, after all. Temari was just too unreasonable and hurting to realize that she is indeed there. 

Her mother never left them; she was there in her wind, in Kankuro's puppets and in Gaara's sand. She was there with them, and now she's here with her. As her husband and brothers took pictures of her son, she took some time for herself again and bowed her head once more. 

"I love you". She whispered to wind. 

And she swore the gentle breeze that hit her face felt like a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking time in reading my entry. Please do leave a review, it will mean a lot to me.  
> Let's catch up and hang out on tumblr: @temarihime


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